I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
