I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
