Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think i have two assholes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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