Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize