did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize