Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
