I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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