My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
