Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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