just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The air taste purple.
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