Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
