I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
