Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
