can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
