i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
