whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket