hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.