eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island