I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags