If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
