i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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