I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
well you can't waste a boner
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
