Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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