new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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