ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
