is wine microwaveable?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize