Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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