i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We left the knife in your bed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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