don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
