The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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