hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
