Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
