i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
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Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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