opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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