okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
