Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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