She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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