the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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