ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
