Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
