Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
