I just made out with a guy for $7.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
