Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
