Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
