im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
