i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
