I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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