Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest

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(571): dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest http://tfl.nu/nou3

Replies (8) Good night (1372) Bad night (2114)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

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(250): I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can. http://tfl.nu/1tw1

Replies (16) Good night (3316) Bad night (824)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Winning.

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(412): fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life? (717): Winning. http://tfl.nu/sgsw

Replies (74) Good night (7308) Bad night (1111)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.

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(832): i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week. http://tfl.nu/mv1q

Replies (64) Good night (1150) Bad night (11032)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?

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(706): Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession? http://tfl.nu/ohzs

Replies (50) Good night (6394) Bad night (2104)
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(530): View more from California

Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(

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(530): Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :( http://tfl.nu/eg10

Replies (18) Good night (962) Bad night (7254)
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(512): View more from Texas

Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?

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(512): Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend? http://tfl.nu/hvyw

Replies (11) Good night (5363) Bad night (1363)
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(510): View more from California

God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.

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(510): God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars. http://tfl.nu/alo4

Replies (9) Good night (3069) Bad night (917)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.

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(701): They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture. http://tfl.nu/7kma

Replies (2) Good night (1373) Bad night (549)
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(551): View more from New Jersey

Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.

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(551): Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win. http://tfl.nu/l1vw

Replies (12) Good night (1547) Bad night (567)
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(310): View more from California

That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

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(310): That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch http://tfl.nu/7p4s

Replies (2) Good night (2518) Bad night (606)
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(440): View more from Ohio

no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.

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(440): no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er. http://tfl.nu/c5u6

Replies (4) Good night (991) Bad night (688)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.

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(216): I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot. http://tfl.nu/mi2o

Replies (3) Good night (1083) Bad night (608)
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(813): View more from Florida

I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.

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(813): I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible. http://tfl.nu/s9e0

Replies (1) Good night (957) Bad night (367)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?

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(812): Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album? http://tfl.nu/eoaf

Replies (2) Good night (215) Bad night (233)

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