there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
