Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
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you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.