I wish my penis had an off switch
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
