when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure