Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.