my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
