When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
