Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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