I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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