no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
