im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
