My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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