Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize