I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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