i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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