The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
