you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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