yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
