Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
