wanna go halves on a baby?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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