How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
