I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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