If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
