Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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