Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize