Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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